inspiration · ofundisputedorigin · Uncategorized

On being completely done and realising that I need to be my own sunshine


This is how I encourage myself EVERY-SINGLE-DAY 🙂

‘No one can make you happy but you so don’t worry be happy’. Yeah clap for yourself Miss Vegan, tree-hugger, one-with-the-wind, Green Tea drinker. Thank you for completely disregarding my feelings and giving me rubbish advice. Thanks.

Now, before you hate me for dismissing Vegans and Green Tea Drinkers I have to admit that this is the advice that I (carnivorous and coca cola drinking ) am prone to spurt out at any given movement, singing ‘You are the only you there is, so be happy and be you, you beautiful you’ *gives you a massive hug* but sometimes this feels like the worst advice ever. I know I’m me, and right now me feels SO BAD that I want to be a different person, in a different space with different people.

I had a bit of a moment last week where I couldn’t concentrate and felt like something was standing in front of my sunshine and casting a ugly shadow that I couldn’t get rid of. I couldn’t work out why I felt so disconnected with everything and tried to ignore and get on with it. I said to one of my friends ‘You know when you’re usually the happiest one so when you’re sad no one knows how to comfort you’ and she immediately said ‘Save the Hero’ by Beyonce. I listened to the song and one verse says ‘I’m left with no shoulder but everybody wants to lean on me’ and I thought YES, I get that.

Saying that however, this feeling has become more distant as the years have passed because of one main thing: I share my feelings. As soppy as this sounds (actually no, it’s not soppy, SHARING IS CARING) sometimes you feel like you are the Hero that needs to be saved but you don’t actually tell anyone that you need saving.

It’s like drowning, and every time you gasp for air you think ‘I would save them if they were drowning’ instead of screaming ‘HELP ME!!! MY HAIR IS GETTING WET AND I CAN’T BREATH’-sounds silly right?

Well that is basically what you do when you’re struggling in school, or feeling really crappy and just expect people to KNOW that you need help, instead of explicitly stating what’s wrong.

My reasons for not sharing my feelings were:

1. Everyone has their own problems I shouldn’t add to their worries

2. Everyone has their own problems and they get on with it

3. They won’t get it.

It wasn’t until a friend told me ‘don’t let the fact that everyone has problems,invalidate your own’ that I realised that everyone does have problems and that is what makes sharing problems with those you trust seem quite plausible. This simple comment erased my first two inhibitions about ‘problem sharing’, leaving the last one ‘they won’t get it’.

The truth is they might not get ALL of it but it’s likely that they will understand SOME of it, and partial understanding (and a nice friendly hug) is better than no understanding (and no hug).

So being your own sunshine isn’t necessarily about being all ‘I am a strong independent woman’ *spits on all the peasants below*. Sometimes it’s more having a little cry, praying and asking for some help and realising that perfection is the disease of a nation and striving to make a new day or the next 10 mins better than the previous period of time.

I guess my Vegan, Tree-hugging friend was onto something when she said ‘no one can make you happy but you’. We are all human and we all have emotions so having feelings and being vulnerable shouldn’t scare us as much as it does.

So share with those you love and remember to ask when you need help and EMBRACE help because sunshine glows brighter with a few hugs/fist pumps/that weird head nod thing that boys do (someone teach me how to do it please) and a different perspective.

What to do now: ( I’m feeling dropping a bit of practical advice)If you are feeling worried about something, or just a bit down TELL SOMEONE YOU TRUST and if you don’t have anyone you can speak to trying writing it down, sometimes that helps you to organise your thoughts and figure out the best step to take next.

Keep Smiling!

Itunu xxx

I’m sorry but this is so cute. AIR HUUUGGGGGG!!!

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5 thoughts on “On being completely done and realising that I need to be my own sunshine

  1. I definitely relate to what you’ve written about sharing your feelings and I fully agree on your point here. In fact, writing when you seem not to be able to tell anyone surely helps a lot. Although at some point, you should end up telling someone, but it’s a good step to move forward.

    Great post!

    Giulia x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Definitely! I find that writing helps me to organise my thoughts, but it is SO important to have at least one person you can just speak to and be completely unedited. I’m glad you liked it Giulia.
      Itunu xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely relate to all of this. You’ve just inspired me so much 🙂 thank you for that. The bit about reasons for not sharing my problems? I used to be like that, too. If you ever need anything, advice or anything, I’m always here. I know that’s generic of me to say, but it’s true. I’ll always listen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad. That is so sweet of you, I appreciate that so much (it’s so hard to express emotion over this, but I am feeling all warm and happy inside rn). Same for you, if you have anything feel free to talk to me. I’m a bit older than you and I’m from the UK as well so any school advice or anything feel free to talk to me as well. God bless you Elm xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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