So I’m writing this impulsive post at 1am listening to Everybody’s Free by Quindon Tarver (Just to set the scene)
So many conflicting feelings at one point in time has become part and parcel of 2016 so far. I have joked about experiencing puberty backwards so many times because of the idea that different emotions feel so intense at one given time, to a point where it is both confusing and liberating. Well, maybe not liberating but there is a sort of freedom that comes with just feeling everything at once and not bothering to regulate or control your emotions and just allowing yourself to feel whatever whenever.
I think sometimes one of the hardest things to do is feeling unashamedly. There is a sort of stigma attached to being really open about how you feel. No one wants to come across as a girly hot mess who can’t keep her PMS fuelled emotions under control- so we just cover up feelings, especially negative ones of sadness, anger, disappointment with the F word ‘FINE’.
I told someone recently how I went to cry in the toilets at school once because I didn’t want people to think I felt disappointment. It’s not something I had really shared with someone before and they thought it was such a sad thing- that I felt that I had to hide.
Crying and just being upset and behaving like a normal human being, for some reason, was such a gross concept to me. I didn’t want anyone to think I was weak. And for someone who preaches Girl Power and dislikes it when people stereotype women it’s pretty strange that I’d subconsciously embraced the idea that being emotional as a girl equates to weakness.
Now I do it all- I cry and get annoyed and smile and hug people and throw the words ‘I LOVE YOU’ like confetti. Having emotions is human, in many ways it is what MAKES us human. It is what helps us to connect with one another- it’s one thing that reminds us that we are not alone with our feelings, rather our feelings are shared by everyone else.
Even though crying is one thing I’m still funny about doing in front of people, I know that I don’t always have to hide- sometimes just let it out and cry- even if you look like a hippo when you cry (like I do) just do it, you’ll feel so much better afterwards.